Bust Out the Cock-O-Meter

Bust out the cock-o-meter. She’s all mine now and I will do many dirty filthy and unspeakable things to her.

Just Kill Me

Few days ago got a call from the BMW dealer. “We’ve got the M3 in, wanna come in for a drive?” Friend from work’s interested in a 135i. Today was the day we’d get to filthily molest ’em both.

We get there and the 135i is an automatic. Well, shitfaddle. “Sport mode with paddle shifters” provides a little fun. The engine’s sultry purr is seductive.

Then we get to the M3. All tingly with excitement, he runs off to get the key, and upon returning informs me I can’t take the car above 3500rpm. True of all of them until 1500 miles. Odometer? 64. I can get all the way up to school zone speeds! Just pinch me!

So while I couldn’t man-handle the beast, I turn to Top Gear to do that for me:

Heh. “Cock-O-Meter”

Technorati Tags: bmw, m3

Team Geo X-Treme

If your ride is as embarrassing as a decade old 3-cylinder Geo Metro, it’s always good to have a sense of humor about it:

Oh, that itch…

I’ve got that new car itch. I hate that. Took me 2 years to scratch it last time. Oprah turns 5 in May, and I think it’s time to get me some new wheels. Going to see exactly what the 2008 M3’s got before I make a decision. (Note to BMW: spare me the pumped up HP with the weak comparable torque.)

The RS4 is a non-starter, too fugly and speed-racer for my taste, M5’s too big. Caymen needs more guts. Any suggestions? I don’t drive for my commute, or I’d be looking at some hybrid, a Civic or something along those lines. Although, those hybrids… ehhh. I just can’t bring myself to drive something more akin to a kitchen appliance than a car.

Also, for sale: 2003 Acura CL Type-S Manual w/Nav. Black/black. Only 40k miles. One of only 820 ever produced in this configuration!

Frickin’ Laser Beams

Good gravy, here we go again. Now we have Norm Mineta (token asian conservative! quick, give him something to do!) trotting out all sorts of dire warnings about laser beams being aimed at airplanes. Ohhhhh. Scary.
Not. Patrick Smith (“Ask The Pilot”) in Salon 12/17/2004:

Owing to our nation’s everlasting fixation with terrorism — real or perceived — I’m forced to begin this column by talking about something that doesn’t deserve half a minute of our time: laser beams. If you caught the news over the past week or so, you heard the bizarre warning: Terrorists may attempt to blind airline crews by aiming high-intensity lasers through the cockpit windows during approach and landing.
I almost can’t believe I typed that sentence, but the paranoiacrats at the Department of Homeland Security, along with the FBI, passed along a memo claiming that terrorists — though it never admitted which ones, where, or how the agencies knew — have explored the viability of using laser devices as weapons. Lasers are able to cause temporary blindness and serious eye injury, the ramifications of which are obvious if involving an aircrew during a critical phase of flight.
[…]
For the record, even a well-aimed laser would be highly unlikely to cause a crash. Hitting both pilots cleanly in the face, through a refractive wraparound windshield, would require a great deal of luck, and even a temporarily blinded crew would still have the means to avoid disaster. Do not equate the results of a laser strike with, for example, having to drive sightless through a busy intersection. Maintaining a jet’s stability would be challenging under the circumstances, but not impossible.
The idea of terrorists bothering with such a plan is tough to accept. Say there’s a 10 percent chance of a laser causing an accident. With limited resources and personnel, it’s doubtful terrorists are going to risk exposure on an operation with a 90 percent likelihood of failure. (From a technical standpoint, one thing I find interesting is the presumption that approach and landing are the implicitly apropos time for such an attack. In fact, takeoff would be the more dangerous moment.)

Oh, and this bit of wisdom, of which I couldn’t agree more:

(I’ve said it before and will say it again: Every American owes it to himself to rent a copy of Terry Gilliam’s 1985 film “Brazil,” with its depiction of a cracked totalitarian state brought to hilarious madness in the name of security and control.)

Minor Victories

So, I had to shell out an obscene $185 for an upgrade to my Acura’s navigation system, but sweet Jesus, it was so worth it! They changed the voice! That shrill, tinny, highly accented voice which seemed more suited for saying “$15 one way, $25 you go round-da-world” at a Bangkok brothel than “Stay on 280 South.”

Now she’s a mix of Anne Bancroft and Kathleen Turner. Smooth and soothing, yet sexy enough to make sure you take that next left. Ahhh… sweet.

HOT, HOT, HOT: 2004 Acura TL

Some uber-options didn’t make it to production (camera rearviews, compressed air wipers), but other stuff did: XM radio, Bluetooth connectivity, DVD 5.1 Audio, and “3D Solar Sensing” (it finds the sun and adjusts airflow accordingly). Powertrain is a carry-over from the previous Type-S now at 270HP. (Thankfully, they didn’t choose the tamer V6 found in the new Accord and souped up the high-strung and well-loved V6 of the previous models.) Styling is unmistakably German-inspired and absolutely beautiful.
Acura has now posted a preview on their website. In talking to a dealer in Phoenix this past week, the new TL will arrive at dealers in the first week of October.
Edmunds has updated its preview, and mentions an “A-SPEC package” which will offer “high-performance springs and shocks that lower the car about an inch, 18-inch wheels with 235/40ZR18 Yokohama tires, an aero body kit, a rear spoiler, a sport steering wheel and special exterior badging.” Standard with the 6-speed MT is Bremo brakes.