Dear MySpace Mouth Breathers

Posted by: on Sep 5, 2006 | One Comment

I realize you like my pictures, in particular the “Cleveland Steamer” Family Guy image, Ann Coulter, Captain Caveman, a pile of laundry on my couch (????), and a collar joint which looks suspiciously penis-like. It’s all over MySpace.
I was so thrilled, I turned them all off. Kindly go fuck yourselves.
If you want the pic, fine, but go host it yourself. Not like I created the pics, I found them the same place you did, I just was nice enough to not suck up someone else’s bandwidth.
Take, for example, Amanda. She claims to be 19, lives in “Everywhere you want to be, CA” and lists Ann Coulter, Jesus, and Ronald Reagan amongst her heroes. (Everytime someone loads her page, that image of Ann comes from my site.) Her favorite television show is “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air,” and she loves ZZ Top. She “like[s] many things, but they’re relatively unimportant.” She has ambition, too: “I want to learn as much as I can about everything, just to know it.”
This girl is deep.
Now, I’m sure I have a lot in common with Amanda. I, too, once tried to be a blond skank, passed out frequently in a room full of guys, and routinely examined my genitals for anything abnormal.
Tomorrow when I get bored, I’m gonna replace all those references with “I wanna anally rape my 6-year old sister with a chainsaw” images. And, when you’re in court, I’m going to get on the stand and swear that image never changed.