Family Yokels

Posted by: on Apr 10, 2004 | No Comments

Oh, this is rich.

My cousin’s ex-husband is under arrest after a shotgun booby trap he set up on his illegal pitbull breeding farm went off — filling a surveyor full of bird shot.

Where to even begin with this one. First of all, what a fucking knob! Can’t say I’m surprised, though. He was always the quintessential redneck: lots of dead stuff on the walls. Stoic drinking. Grunting and pointing. The Confederacy. Big trucks. Overalls. A library of racist jokes. An evil Uncle Jesse, if you will. (That would be much funnier had I gotten to scan the picture out of the paper before it was thrown away.) I remember visiting the Doggy Fight Club when I was little, not knowing its true nature and wondering why it needed to be stuffed away in the middle of nowhere and why anyone would pay $3k for a pet.

Apparently, “Yellow” was the top fighter, who’s pups probably brought in the big bucks. Supposedly the third best place in the country to get your fighting pit, he even refereed fights and had an active business mailing out flyers and advertising the lil’ monsters on the net. And to think I didn’t even get one measly flyer. That’s family for you.

He also ran this message board, which has since been yanked down. (It remains in the Google cache for the time being.)

Facing 68 charges including attempted murder, I think the worst is yet to come: the IRS. This has to have gone on for at least a decade, and I’m guessing like most illegal operations, he didn’t bother paying taxes.

My cousin has always been a very sweet person, so I always considered this a rather serious lapse in judgment… and things seem to be better now since she left him a few years ago. Got to wonder if this had anything to do with it.

Oh, and like two months ago? My dad’s 2nd cousin (I think) blew away his girlfriend then shot himself in a murder-suicide. Again, here in the genteel south — Charleston, SC. Didn’t know the guy, but I think I’ll stay away from any family reunions for awhile.

Soooooo thankful I’m not genetically related to any of this family. I’m a rotten shit for talking about it publicly, but its not like you knew them, huh?

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