Those Nutty Fundies Down South

Posted by: on Feb 25, 2004 | 2 Comments

Atrios posted a link to an opinion piece from some podunk newspaper in Jasper, Al which offers a solution to all these “activist judges” and the “grievous sin” of homosexuality: execution! That’ll fix ’em!

Fundie whack jobs aside, often carted out, as in this case, is Leviticus 18:22: “If a man lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.”

Reading the comments, I found this gem: Apparently “Dr.” Laura’s been spewing similar crap opposing gay marriages and floating the same verse to prop up her argument. Not surprising — her disdain for cake-boys is no secret. But I always find it interesting that Bible verses are conveniently pushed forward as to be taken literally, word-for-word, when it serves one group’s purpose. So a listener decided to take “Dr.” Laura’s extensive Biblical knowledge and literal interpretation to task:

As Heard On Friday, January, 31, 2003: Letter to Doctor Laura from a Bob and Sheri listener!

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. For example, when someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.
However, I do need some advice from you regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev.1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness – Lev.15:19-24.
The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev. 24:10-16)? Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.


  1. michael
    February 26, 2004

    Did you look at

  2. charlie
    May 10, 2006

    Hmm, you DO know that we dont follow the Old Testament?
    That part was closed and stopped with the arrival of Jesus (new testament) and the old laws were replaced with the new (New Testament)
    Just thought I’d let you guys know.