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‘Simple Life’ More Popular Than Prez

Posted by: on Dec 18, 2003 | No Comments

Fox’s ‘The Simple Life’ beat Diane Sawyer’s interview of Bush by nearly 1 million viewers. (And for that matter, Navy NCIS starring Mark Harmon did too.)
If you haven’t seen what two ultra rich heiresses can do to a small Arkansas town — it’s, well — fucking hilarity! Granted, it’s Burin-Murray, so the “reality” has been severely tinkered with, which is evident by the serious gaps in time, but who cares…
Some choice moments:

TV GUY: Have either one of you ever had a job?
PARIS: (laughs) No.
NICOLE: No. Well, um, I was a figure skater once.

PARIS: He’s kinda cute. (referring to the host family’s 19 year old son)
NICOLE: Yeah! Let’s have a threeway with him!

For their first job, they had to milk cows then fill the milk bottles for delivery. When using real milk proved too boring, they cheated with a dirty bucket of water, explaining “Milk is fattening anyway! We’re doing them a favor!” Then they used the guy’s jacuzzi and took a nap on his couch.

Given a job at Sonic, a fast-food joint, bedlam ensues. Nicole attempts to mate with drive-thruers: “I like sweaty guys, you sure do sweat a lot.” Fat manager chick is unamused. So then they’re tasked with changing the marquee to announce some half-priced burger day or some such shit, but they’ve got their own plans, changing the sign to read ‘HALF PRICE SALTY ANAL WEINER BUGERS.’ Fat manager chick again unamused. Next, it’s waving at traffic in giant drink costumes. Nicole decides to give them the finger instead, then both head across the street into a grocery store where they roll around on the floor like two mating milkshakes. Fat manager chick yet again unamused; Paris rebuffs “we’re drumming up customers!”

NICOLE: I heard you guys like to hang out at Wal-Mart. Is that true? (Presumably ‘you guys’ being poor people.)
PARIS: Wallll… Marttt? What is that? Like a place you can buy wall stuff?

At least America’s got it’s priorities straight. Or maybe Karl Rove pitched The Simple Life as a distraction from his master plan?
Recommended: The Simple Life recaps at Television Without Pity.