July 7, 2008
Bust Out the Cock-O-Meter
Bust out the cock-o-meter. She's all mine now and I will do many dirty filthy and unspeakable things to her.
June 6, 2008
May 15, 2008
May 14, 2008
Well Insulated
Came home today around 7. It's around, oh, 68 outside. Inside my house? 83.
Open windows do me no good when there's no breeze.
I does dawn on me, however, that since I'm not renting I could put a pool in my living room without any disclosure...
Nevermind, I know what I'm doing tomorrow.
Living room pool! Clothing optional! Any takers?
April 10, 2008
My Favorite 5 Days of the Year
Property taxes due today.
Income tax due in 5.
This searchable database over at the Chronicle really irritated me. Over 8,000 SF city & county employees are paid over $100k a year. A lot of that is overtime. A "special nurse" for the DPH was paid $117k base and $216k in overtime in 2007 netting $350,324. Cops, firefighters, DAs and bureaucrats fill out the ranks of the extremely overpaid. Why is this city insisting on making a Republican out of me? I mean, there is a fiscal shortfall and all. My uber-coiffed mayor wants a crackdown, but I just doubt it's gonna happen. Once you can afford the ultimate feast at Red Lobster every night, there's no going back without a fight.
Don't even get me started on that Olympic Torch nonsense yesterday...
March 21, 2008
Just Kill Me
Few days ago got a call from the BMW dealer. "We've got the M3 in, wanna come in for a drive?" Friend from work's interested in a 135i. Today was the day we'd get to filthily molest 'em both.
We get there and the 135i is an automatic. Well, shitfaddle. "Sport mode with paddle shifters" provides a little fun. The engine's sultry purr is seductive.
Then we get to the M3. All tingly with excitement, he runs off to get the key, and upon returning informs me I can't take the car above 3500rpm. True of all of them until 1500 miles. Odometer? 64. I can get all the way up to school zone speeds! Just pinch me!
So while I couldn't man-handle the beast, I turn to Top Gear to do that for me:
Heh. "Cock-O-Meter"
November 23, 2007
Happy Thanksgiving!
Memorable:
Wednesday, half day, goodbye lunch for another employee which shifts ever more responsibility on to me. I will miss her though.
About 4:30 that afternoon, I'm sitting in the ER having a massive panic attack. (No, the above isn't a trigger, that scene is played out like twice a week and if I'm at peace with anything, it's that.) While freaking at the ER -- feelings of going crazy, imminent death, profuse sweating, and BP so high I'm unable to articulate full sentences, I wait an hour or two as a colorful parade of street drunks go right through the VIP line, no waiting required. Cuz I "look" normal, nervous pacing and rapid short breathing aside. I keep muttering to Mason, "just 1mg of Ativan and I can turn the corner."
Nurse finally calls. "Probably panic attack, just need a mg of Ativan," I'm begging. BP machine doesn't work; the 5th take finally gets a reading. Much to her surprise, it's spectacularly high. As is my heart rate. Blood O2 low, too, from all the rapid shallow breathing. Hey, guess he's not lying! I'm asked to pee in a cup and strip down and get into a gown. I'm ushered into a room.
Space limited. Room divided by curtain, crazed ramblings coming from the other side. I try to remain as quiet as a mouse. I'm offered a Turkey recipe from behind the curtain, which I don't even acknowledge. But to her mind-altered credit, she was topical, even if delivered as "Hey, fuck hey there, you, oh my fucking god, I've got the best, [hack hack hack], best fucking Turkey recipe." I kept quiet. She was snoring less than a minute later.
See Doc. Obviously knows his stuff. Two minutes later Ativan arrives. 2 more minutes and I'm starting to relax and my BP had dropped 40%.
Given Rx for Ativan. Met with Doc no more than 1 full minute. Discharged, Mason's obviously terrified about my well being, by taking a nap. I think he's snooring.
Since tomorrow's Thanksgiving, force myself to go Turkey shopping, after a stop by the Walgreens pharmacy to stock up on Ativan.
So... Thanksgiving was nice. Relaxing. Cooking on Ativan, fun, if not especially efficient. That's my little 12-pounder to the right. Delicious!
Happy Thanksgiving, y'all!
June 21, 2007
Woohoo! Revel in my wealth!
After nearly 15 months of Google Ads, looks like I'm finally gonna get cut a check.
Was it worth it? Fuck no. But.. it's $100 I didn't have last month.
How much do I rock? Apparently about 21c a day worth.
May 18, 2007
May 1, 2007
Highlights of a Tuesday
Mason calls this afternoon:
Oh my God! You'll never believe what I just saw!
(excited) What?! What!
Three bees doing it! It's a bee three-some!
(non-plussed) That's, um, fantastic. I saw some flies do that once.
Yeah! One on top, one in the back. I'm going to go take a nap now.
Okay. Sweet dreams.
Ah, good to be me. *sigh*
April 10, 2007
When you ride MUNI, thank me Bitch!
...ugh, property tax day. A mere week ahead of income tax day!
This will be a marathon bending over week.
March 13, 2007
Crave
10.1MP, full-frame, 3" LCD with Live Preview, and machine-gun rapid fire (check out the video):
It'll be about $4000, but I just might have to bite on this sweet DSLR.
Technorati Tags: camera, canon, eos-1d mark iii
tags:
February 26, 2007
February 22, 2007
Personal Thank You
To Officer Alviso of the Burlingame PD. Sure, it was just a meter violation, and technically I was in the wrong, but never the less were understanding and let me go with just a warning -- and you were pleasant too!
A hell of a guy.
Attention SF DPT parking nazis: those $50 tickets and most of all your shitty attitude is why people get SOOOO angry. I of course don't condone hurling urine or rocks your way, but would it wouldn't kill ya to be professional and courtesous. (And issue valid citations -- you used to ticket my correctly stickered car all the time when I lived in the Duboce Triangle, ya bastards... and you knew what you were doing, you just didn't care.)
February 12, 2007
February 2, 2007
Oh, that itch...
I've got that new car itch. I hate that. Took me 2 years to scratch it last time. Oprah turns 5 in May, and I think it's time to get me some new wheels. Going to see exactly what the 2008 M3's got before I make a decision. (Note to BMW: spare me the pumped up HP with the weak comparable torque.)
The RS4 is a non-starter, too fugly and speed-racer for my taste, M5's too big. Caymen needs more guts. Any suggestions? I don't drive for my commute, or I'd be looking at some hybrid, a Civic or something along those lines. Although, those hybrids... ehhh. I just can't bring myself to drive something more akin to a kitchen appliance than a car.
Also, for sale: 2003 Acura CL Type-S Manual w/Nav. Black/black. Only 40k miles. One of only 820 ever produced in this configuration!
December 28, 2006
Home Sweet Home
Back in SF.
Nice Christmas, albeit a bit trying.
An example: We had dinner with my cousin last night (she turns 60 next year, mom's sis was 11 years older and I came late)... anyway, I had to listen to my Dad rant the entire time as I drove us to downtown Summerville, SC about how much it irritated him that people couldn't pronounce words correctly such as "foyer" (it's "foi-yeh", not "for-your"), then not 30 seconds after getting out of the car he used the term "usetacud" twice. (As in, "used to could.") "Usatacud drive yer car down this here street." Natch, that raised an eyebrow, yet my opposition was unacceptable. "Winder," "sammich," "yonder," and "usetacud": fine; "for-your": bad. Gotcha.
Oh, and dude on UA flight 1229 today, seat 1D: keep your snot rags off our shared armrest. You managed to gross out the flight attendant who had to collect your bugger napkins 3 times and then come over with a microwaved towel and attempt to sanitize the arm rest. (And I loved her for it.) Did you not notice the pile of napkins she used to guard my drink from yours? Get a clue.
December 25, 2006
Spain
Come February or March, I think I'm going to take two weeks in southern Spain, probably not far from Barcelona. Anyone else interested? Airfare seems about $100 more than it cost me to come out to South Carolina. Nutty.
Probably somewhere around here or as close to Barcelona as I can get. My mother needs me to use up one of her condo exchanges, and who am I to turn up free lodging?
[UPDATE: Map was bugging me, so I removed it.. was the wrong location anyway. I've opted for a secret bunker instead.
December 22, 2006
White Guilt
I somehow got suckered into making dinner tonight for my parents, which actually turned out quite well -- shrimp burritos with chipotle adobo and seasoned rice -- but that wasn't the highlight of the evening.
Earlier I trotted off to Publix for ingredients. It's the grocery store which usually has the slightly better merchandise, but of course lacks the charming name of say a "Piggly Wiggly" or the obviousness of a "Bi-Lo." It was an irritating experience, but I blame myself, because obviously the Mexican specialties are next to the brownie mix, cooking oil and Folger's. I mean, um, duh!
So, anyway, I've got my stuff and head for checkout. The nice girl is scanning through the various merchanise then picks up a bag and with a thick southern drawl asks "Hehe. Can ya, uh, teller me what'ha got he're?" (Scout's honor, I'm not embellishing)
"It's a habanero pepper," I say. "They're used to abort Christian babies." (perhaps I made that last part up)
Simple enough.
I'm all finished and the bag boy, a nice 15ish black guy lacking at least 3 inches and 50 lbs on me, says "Can I carry these out to your car for you?"
I'm used to this question. It's a stable of the lowly paid bagger contingent in grocery stores these days -- those in SF are required to ask even if entirely unnecessary. It's actually nice, and I see some use this courtesy who would probably struggle otherwise. But I'm at least 30 years this side of osteoporosis.
"Ah, naw, that's okay," I say, "it's only 3 bags. Thanks!"
"Eh, I got to. I need to look busy," bag-boy retorts keeping a firm grip on my bags.
Long pause. I'm in the South, I'm a healthy guy, I can carry 3 bags... but he insists. Christ.
"Um, okay, knock yourself out."
So, there we are, walking out to the car, bag-boy having a light load and getting needlessly wet in the pouring rain.
And in toe of whitey doing his bidding. It just feels terribly wrong.
I turn around and snark, "You've got 3 bags and I've got 3 hundred years of guilt. I really should of just carried those bags myself."
Bags safely in the trunk, he says "You have a nice day sir."
"You too," I say.
I'm quite sure he's long forgot about it. Why haven't I?
December 20, 2006
Personal Log: 19-Dec-2006
12:15a: become quite annoyed can't sleep. ponder Unisom, but probably not a good idea considering...
4:15a: wake up! kick ass!
4:20a: coffee, no upgrade yet on flight, decide to checkin online... which later proved somewhat smart
4:30a-5:30a: run around frantically trying to finish packing. for fun, place each of two bags in separate rooms furtherest from likely source of needed contents... I'm just not smart
5:35a: call Luxor. have needless argument over previous "order." listen, if I call twice over 45 minutes and still I don't get a cab, and it's not Friday or Saturday night, I really don't owe you a courtesy call to 'cancel.' 45 minutes is a de-facto cancel, and who the hell are you, you phone-answering at 5 o'clock in the morning piece of shit? how DARE you! I will pull your ass out through your throat!
5:36a: deep breaths. um, why did I call Luxor in the first place?
5:40a: cab arrived promptly. heh. there's a weird smell in here. It's not curry, but it's some Mediterranean spice, and it's not necessarily gross like this dude just took a bath in a tub of seasoned 3rd world gym socks... decide it's best not to think about this any further less I discover the need for expensive therapy
5:59a: "United. Domestic. Terminal 3. Door 6, please." Done this entirely too many times.
6:00a: um, wow. sea of humanity. just, um, fucking wow. most tense and frazzled. wonder if energy can be harvested as some sort of renewable resource.
6:10a: woman in front of me's bag is too heavy. mind you, I'm already checked in and need one of these two precious machines which are dedicated to two simple tasks: check ID and stick tag on luggage. so, max weight per bag is 50lbs, and exhibit A needs to drop 13. no fear, she's brought half a dozen bags! she explodes suitcase at my feet and begins to redistribute weight amongst her Samsonite home-away-from-home. amazed at contents: 3 bags of Starbucks coffee w/ 2 travel mugs, giant terry-cloth bathrobe, Costco-sized bottles of hair products, a bath 'sheet' (oh, no, no simple towel for this traveldiva), something I can only surmise is a shrine or monument to either a deity or belief... I guess they're gifts. perhaps gifts for rogue Amish who keep a secret stash of things readily available every 5 feet anywhere else in America.
6:20a: decide to be an asshole and cutely mention the postal service will even come to you now
7:25a: finally seated, flight attendant comes over and nearly ready to launch into a cheer explains that Mr. So-and-So next to me has been upgraded to First Class! Cue the music and fireworks...
7:35a: taxing towards take-off there's an announcement that there's apparently unusually strong tailwinds which will propel me eastward an hour earlier than scheduled. Praise Jesus.
8:10a: for $5, this cheese/yogurt/fruit thing ain't half bad. girl next to me asks what's available food-wise. attendant, obviously annoyed after it'd been announced 3 times that the selection can be found on page 193 of Hemispheres magazine, yanks said mag from seatback, flips to page 193, drops on tray table and stomps off.
8:55a: realize I've been watching between the seats the kid in front of me picking his nose for the last 15 minutes
10:08a: nose picker reaches his little snot hand around the seat and steals pillow I've placed against the wall at my feet
10:15a: This film has been modified from its original format. It has been edited to fit this screen and for content. 'Invincible' with Mark Walberg. Oh, Marky Mark! Better yet, a football movie! Just pinch me now!
10:45a: Not hating movie. Oddly drawn to Marky Mark's jiggling stomach during slo-mo field runs in full pads. Typical against-all-odds Disney plot both endearing and insultingly simple.
12:05p: (3:05 Eastern) -- Touchdown! Unfortunately, that's only flight 1...
12:15p: at my next gate, having gone to Terminal "A" which is where my "United Express" flight is, I feel fully humbled. Just in case you weren't aware that flying regional means you're not playing with the big boys anymore (like the 777 I flew in on), not only is Terminal A a throw-back to the 70s and poorly lit, it's at a physically lower level just to seal the psychological deal... it's oddly effective, but then again, the caliber of customer doesn't help. No live poultry running around or anything... but...
12:40p: Holy crap, this guy on the phone next to me needs to die. I mean, seriously, seriously die. Him, volume level 11: "Diane! Dan here! Now, listen, I'm telling you, I don't want to go into management, even though I know I'm the best! I can make a lot lot more money as the top sales guy! And I am the top sales guy! I have SOOOOO many offers because I went through the best training in St. Paul! DIANE! DIANE!"
12:41p: Sooooooo thirsty... gotta be blood lust. DIANE! DIANE!
12:52p: shamed by group of 15 year olds who all have newer iPods than I do. note that my shoes are much, much nicer, but lost on them... and my shirt's pretty cool too, and a nice designer steal I got cheap... again, lost.
12:53p: start hating Apple for not having my widescreen iPod out yet, because then I'd somehow not be uncool to these meatheaded 15 year olds...
1:05p: 15 year olds produce a highlighter marker and begin to use each other as white boards (and white they are)... Frosty, 2006 Highlight Girl of the Year, writes "I (heart) dick" on guys arm, much laughter follows...
1:06p: shamed no more, I ponder death
1:10p: DAN! DIANE! DAN! gets distracted by something shiny and leaves...
1:11p: ponder existence of God and why he inflicted Dan on me... wonder if I should jump on my cellphone and behave similarly to maintain balance in my immediate world
1:45p: Brazilians don't make terrible jets, but ponder weight balance issues in a jet that's (seat | aisle | seat-seat)... I am an engineer, afterall
2:00p: at 32k feet, old guy next to me, who I've been trying REALLY hard to ignore strikes up conversation. This doesn't stop until I'm on the ground and out of the jetway. He's from Chicago and thinks the crime in Charleston is just terrible, terrible, terrible... I don't think he's a "it was better when the darkies were in the fields" type, but it's equally as mind-numbing
3:35p: having just come in over the much ballyhooed (at least within 2 WHOLE MILES of downtown Charleston) Ravenel bridge, we're down... (bridge at night: a solid 8.5/10. it's purty, I'll give it that)
4:00p: very tired, got my bag, in the car, have a phone meeting w/work. no one can get their shit together, lines are crossed, and the confcall # is double-booked... this takes 3 times longer than the actual meeting to figure out... remind myself I'm thankful that I barely work, have tried to quit 3 times, and still collect a full salary because I'm not "allowed" to quit or some such non-sense...
4:20p: thankful to have subsidized time-off despite occasional annoyances... swallow disdain, buck up, and SMILE!
5:00p-7p: at parents house, the next 2 hours involve attempts to feed me grilled cheese sandwiches (white bread/individually sliced 'cheddar-flavored cheese product'), miso soup (just mix with water!), and freezer taquitos. begin missing SF, but realize it's the right thing that I'm here since I missed both birthdays and their 40th anniversary...
9:30p: (12:30a eastern) -- learn that Lifetime: Television for Women has been added to iTunes. With that news, my day is complete and I can finally sleep... good night my chickens!
...um, so, now you can add "x-x:30: schmeeve took 30 minutes of my life I can never regain" to your own personal log...
December 18, 2006
schmeeveTips
If I like you, and you're expecting some sort of gift (those of you not expecting babies on my birthday^), send me a wishlist link. It'll help me out. It's about a week and a day away from the glorious remembrance of His birth and I have yet to move one finger towards said glorious remembrance presents.* (Seriously, I saw a Foreigner Best Of CD on sale and I lack shame.)
I leave for my Slightly-East-of-Deliverance Christmas on Tuesday, complete with dinner with my cousin who is the ex-wife of this winner.
Pray for me.
* Lori, Carolyn, Mason: gotcha covered.
^ yes, on my birthday or there abouts little baby Jake is due. Granted, his name should of been schmeeve, but I'm not splitting hairs
November 3, 2006
Ah, technology...
So, I got a MacBook Pro (yeah, new one, Core 2 Duo Extreme Double SuperFast x2 Pro or whatever, dropped from Shanghai and double-boxed with the word "Apple" no where on the outside) and a 30" Cinema HD Display today. It's geek pr0n, and trust me, I'm smitten for the time being. So much screen real estate, coaxing Windows into Parallels, fun, fun, fun...
So, I've got the latest and greatest, right?
So here's my conundrum:
I did some "maintenance" on myself today -- manscaping, if you will -- and why the hell do I have 5 different tools to accomplish that task? That's right, FIVE. I'm not a fucking Yetti Schmeeve or anything, but jesus christ, it's just annoying. (And every guy does it, so shuddup, unless he's a hippie or, perhaps, Chinese.)
Sure, I suppose I could of accomplished it with one, but each has it's usefulness and efficiency in certain areas. Perhaps I'm just impatient, but with all the technology around us, it seems like I'd be able to get the uberGroomer and call it a day.
But no........
October 25, 2006
Home
Finally home from another two weeks on the road. One week in Atlanta, looks like no one's going to die. And a week in LA complete with $2200 hotel bill. I like this little boutique, but their WiFi sucks and apparently I was put in a room directly under the housekeeping quarters. Much noise and convo en Espanol early in the morning. But the beds are fantastically comfortable, the shower clean and hot -- a thankful change from having no hot water in Atlanta. FYI -- those exercise freaks who extoll the virtues of cold showers are filthy, filthy liars.
Mason washed my sheets and made the bed, which is nice, except that he somehow put a giant hole in them.
Ordered a new MacBook Pro today, too. Gonna pop my Intel-Mac cherry. Bit miffed there's no 7200rpm drives with the 15", but I can live with a 160G 5400. Got a 30" DIsplay today too, albeit through Amazon to save on taxes. My Apple fetish is very satiated. Of course, now I have t o figure out how to pay my income and property taxes.
Next up: glass of wine and bed.
September 10, 2006
August 28, 2006
Asia
Flying to Hong Kong tomorrow, via Seoul, so the whole adventure will take about 20 hours.
Taking the 30D and a few of the better lenses, planning on trying to find some peace on the weekends and snap off a few. I'll see if I can't find some Chinese people to take pictures of... AHEM.
It's hot, humid, and lacks good bath products. Or at least a belief thereof.
Will probably hit Shanghai, too, before I head home. (I make it sound like I'm on vacation... I'm most definitely not.) I'd love to make it home before Folsom, but don't know if that's going to happen.
Perspective: Last time in Shanghai I got vid of people dancing on the street to Polak Music outside of a McDonald's.
That or Folsom?
Wish me $DEITY_Speed.
August 19, 2006
8000 Miles
That's how much I've driven in 2 years, as I found out yesterday when I took my car in for regular maintenance... yet it still costs me a fortune in insurance.
And speaking of 8000 miles, well, a little less, I'm off to Asia again for a month come next Saturday. *sigh*
July 24, 2006
Lame
Having a navigation system installed in my car somehow adds $80 a year to my insurance, and even combined with my home owner's policy I'm still tapping out at $1840 a year for a 4 year old car which is paid for. And it's garaged. And has an alarm. And I only drive it for "pleasure." (No work or school driving, 7500 or less miles/yr.) And it has GPS tracking, were it stolen.
Such a fucking scam.
July 9, 2006
June 25, 2006
Back for the Attack
No, I'm not referring to Dokken's superb 1987 metalfest, but these panic/anxiety attacks which haunted me about 6 months ago. Guess what's back?
I thought it was just my shitty job, and in particular, a few assholes there -- who just really needed to die. I quit shitty job. The panis did go away for awhile, but now I'm back with the medicated joy that is Ativan.
Also back on the blood pressure medicine. (NORVASC -- Pfizer patented natch, and thus super expensive. Bastards.) Even got myself one of those monitor things at Walgreens so I can get an early start as a paranoid retiree. (It's sky high.)
I mean, I know I'm probably not going to stroke out, but it's just a tiny bit distracting when it feels like death is imminent -- for 3 days on end...
I 'spose I'm trying to justify why I'm in the house when it's just absolutely lovely outside and there's this parade thing and a free concert in Stern Grove today...
tags:
April 10, 2006
Appropriate Birthday Presents
So... I'm getting some Apple goodness for someone special, but I can't help but be me. To wit:
The Gift: Black iPod nano. Svelte and sexy. A most excellent gift, no?
The Engraving: "Sorry I fell asleep while you were doing 'that.' Twice. Love, schmeeve"
At least I'm honest. And apologetic.
March 27, 2006
LAX Blogging
La Cienega surprisingly not that jammed, and got to the airport a bit early. As usual, an interesting cast of characters waiting for their flights, a few even mildly attractive. (Oddly enough, the only black people in the gate seem to have clustered around me... just an observation)
I intend to get loaded on the plane. Been down here since Thursday, worked all weekend, and the only highlights being this pretentious-as-hell 'art' exhibit (could of been a ad pitch, just the same) and getting semi-bombed last night with my friend Erica, who has a new baby "Cupcake":
Gonna be happy to be home, but next week heading to Hong Kong... that'll be fun, for the first 15 minutes.
February 28, 2006
May-December Romance
New "Quad" today. They're doing the digital tango right now and sharing their bits, should be ready in an hour or two. Big guy sure is heavy, but so very very purty.
February 27, 2006
Local Bar
This bar is around the corner from work. A good thing, and a step up from the old haunt. (I do miss Nina, though..)
At any rate, one of the bartenders was passed out and sleeping at the end of the bar tonight. I'm not the most drunk guy the bar -- and, oh snap!, tthe most drunk guy works there! Fan-fucking-tastic!
It's got good food during the day, good beer at night. Ah, I've come home. :-)
February 26, 2006
February 19, 2006
Drunk eBaying
Okay, I wasn't really drunk. Not even drinking. (Well, bottled water and Crystal Light. schmeeve.. you're so bad!)
So can't afford the thing, but I need it, this thing I'm typing on is circa-1999, and it is a tax write-off...
February 9, 2006
Have-Nots
Things I kinda wish I had:
- Medical insurance. This forced me off Effexor for my panic attacks, and thankfully I've had none yet, but I've ratched up the irracibleness as a result and had a interesting few weeks through chemical withdrawal. (This also forced me off some shit for high blood-pressure, some patented shit I simply can not waste the money on. Extending my life by 5 years after I'm 60: not a concern at the moment.)
- Car insurance. I didn't pay, cuz, well, couldn't. Car parked neatly in garage. Won't drive. Thankfully, it's an antique 2003 model with only 30k miles on it.
- The pain of beating down doors to get paid for contract work. It's lucrative, and all, when you get paid... a big WHEN
- Thornton's Toffee
- TiVo2Go for the Mac. Or at least a crack. I so love DRMs.
- A 10" dick
- Equal pay for being a woman.
- Okay, last one was a lie.
January 12, 2006
DisneyWhore 5000
Heh. I won four 3-day park hoppers for Disneyland California off KTVU from their "Ticket 2's Days."
I never win shit. So, um, yay me. I admit it -- I love theme parks. Schmeeve vs. The Happiest Place on Earth is always fun.
Meanwhile, I'm dirt poor (haven't gotten paid for December yet) and my mortgage is late as of the 15th. I also lost my car and medical insurance. Not so yay me.
Being poor sucks, if only temporarily...
So who's up for some Disneyland? My wife and 2.2 children are, uh, out of town... or something.
tags:
December 25, 2005
Ah, the Holidays...
2005 edition. I can basically sum it as such:
- I moved on the 23rd, house still a mess. But working on it..
- Yesterday, I discovered someone had charged $4k for a "STEIN JEWELRY" in Glendale, CA against my debit/checking card on the 23rd. Needless to say, no one was around on Christmas Eve to do anything but shut down my banking accounts
- I had no food today. So I went to Safeway, on Market near Castro, knowing it would be open. Bad idea. I asked the person in the front of the line how long they'd be there, "An hour and 15 minutes."
- Moving on, I found the Safeway in Diamond Heights to be open. Wasn't near as packed, and was rather pleasant. I visited it twice, even -- mostly because I'm stupid and don't make lists of what I need.
- Thus concludes my Christmas alone.
Merry Whatever-the-Fuck-you-Celebrate-Or-Don't.
December 7, 2005
Dispatches from the far side of Neptune
I'm lazy, and kinda whacked, so a brief summary of what I've been up to:
- I quit my crap job. Yay! Good idea, some good people, clueless people in charge. Same ol' story.
- About two months ago I started having problems with panic attacks. The first one landed me in the ER, as I thought I was stroking out or having a heart attack. Very debilitating. I will expand on this later, but suffice to say, I've always been one of those mind over matter types, and this thing attacked me like a charging rhino and made a fool of me. Much respect.
- I dealt with the above two for about 2 months, but once the first happened, the other mysteriously disappeared.
- Bought a house. Escrow closed a month ago, I gave the guy a month to vacate, and I get the keys tomorrow. It's in Twin Peaks, yes, you're invited to the party, and I don't need a gift.
more later...
*tap* *tap* Peace Out. :-)
November 18, 2005
On Being Average
I move in to my place on 12/10. And I've got my binoculars ready for you people in the East Bay I can see from my living room window... :-)
November 17, 2005
Central Valley
Things that suck about driving in the Central Valley:
- Trucks. About a billion of them, mostly Wal-Mart.
- Harris Ranch, specifically it's feed lot. Downright disgusting.
- Lars Larsen, right wing nut job who I listen to mostly to stay awake -- because I get so damn mad. Tonight, he was lamenting FEMA paying for hotel rooms for the displaced Katrina victims, and was making a national crisis out of prisoners profiting from selling their "art." (Of zero interest: is housing available for the displaced? How the hell can a prisoner even spend his money? Buy a fetching Vitton bag at the commissary?)
- Food choices existing only of McD's, Wendy's, Carl's Jr, and other crap options which have an 's in them
- Yokels that want to race in their F-150's or "hemi" trucks
Things that suck about getting out of LA and even into the Central Valley:
- The 405.
Good things:
- Cows. (Excluding the doomed ones in the feed lot.) I like moo-moos, especially when they're grazing, with calfs running around. Adorable. (Okay, and delicious...)
Time for bed.
November 9, 2005
Preach, Teach, Marry, and Bury
Thanks to the Universal Life Church you can become ordained online in about 3 minutes. And it's all legit. I'm Rev. Schmeeve.
Speaking of all things holy, check out Outchurched, a Podcast/blog run by a friend of mine, the honorable Rev. Dan.
Also, I became a home owner today... more on that later.
August 12, 2005
Yuppie Scum... Interrupted
So, the house fell through. Not my fault. I lost no money, blah, blah, blah.
But I've come to two conclusions: when buying a house, banks are your friend and realtors are dicks.
First, a little background. The house appraised for far less than I was paying for it. There was some question as to whether the appraiser was qualified for SF and the area, so that brought some level of vagueness into the picture. It was given a peer review at the appraisal company and still came in far under. Comps for the area made everything very questionable, making it seem almost a bargain. All sorts of conflicting data, but I need to be primarily concerned with resale value.
Let me explain the rest. The bank basically has the same interest as you: they will only float a loan as long as what you're buying is deemed worth the price. This makes sense simply because if they have to foreclose, they do not want to loose money. Like, um, duh. Also, my loan agent is forthright and completely honest -- a friend of a friend who I will recommend to anyone any day of the week. In a nutshell, she kicks ass.
Secondly, my realtor, who is supposed to work on my behalf, was lobbying me to buy something despite me having all evidence to the contrary. When things were falling apart today, all he could really offer me was "Oh, well, if you want to come up with the difference in cash, you can still buy it! You should consider that!" My response: "Oh, yeah, I've got a fucking money tree in the backyard with $65k ripe and ready to fall off. Um, are you fucking retarded?" Aside from that, he was offering up his own appraiser to the loan agent -- without telling me. Oh, and prior to that, he tried to tell me the selling agent wanted to close early, when in fact he had a planned vacation and just wanted to collect his payday before his holiday. Nutshell: he wants to get paid, and basically had no interest in my long-term success, despite being my neighbor for the past 7 years!
Moving along... I'm gonna keep looking. My heart wasn't in this place, so I'm just fine with the fall-out. I didn't loose any money, and I will find the right place... as soon as I find a new realtor.
--
In a completely unrelated topic, happy anniversary to Mike & Stacy. And special praise to Stacy for putting up with that crusty old fuck for a full year. :-)
August 2, 2005
Yuppie Scum
I bought a house. It's a perfectly adorable little 2 bedroom in Twin Peaks. Nice deck, garage, hardwood, stainless appliances, rock-solid inspection and earthquake bracing. It cost a small fortune, and I've been freaking out -- totally freaking the fuck out -- about it ever since. Can I afford it? How the hell will I move my boat anchor of a TV? Do I really need 7 years of Macworld back-issues? Will my neighbor in the building be a dick? Mostly it's that first one -- how the holy fucking hell am I going to afford this thing?!
It was very un-San Francisco. It was my first bid, I bid slightly under, and it was accepted. Pest is only $400 -- I guess the average being about $5000 in SF.
I feel so, uh, 'adult.'
Here's a few pictures:
March 9, 2005
T-2:36
Until I turn another year older -- technically. The good news is I already look 40. Hopefully I can just grow into it now.
Also, I'm missing your present. So get on it...
December 20, 2004
December 11, 2004
Ho Ho Ho
I've been to two grocery stores today, and in both cases, the whole thing just left me kinda down. It's that mix of cheery Christmas music pumped out of tin-cans in the ceiling, harsh overhead florescence, plasticy non-denominational holiday displays, and a sparsely populated store which only features trance-like pseudo-people who move slowly and keep their heads down. Depressing.
Kinda like a post-apocalyptical movie starring Lori Petty in a lesbian haircut sporting a super-weapon, some sweaty dude with an itchy trigger finger and a British accent in toe -- and right before something upsettingly awful happens.
Perhaps tomorrow I'll head down to Union Square to have some manufactured holiday cheer forcibly shoved up my ass while buying overpriced trinkets for people I could care less about. Now, that is what Christmas is all about!
November 25, 2004
Ugh 2
Plane's now 1:30 late, meaning I won't make my connection.
It's undergoing "aircraft service." In airline speak, this can translated as such:
- Pesky things which tend to put your company insurance in jeopardy: engine failure, landing gear, hydraulics, etc. I've seen them fly these wide-bodies trans-con with only 1 working bathroom, so I know it's not something as trivial as that which horribly inconveniences passengers -- it's just of concern when they might kill you.
- Cockroach infestation (this actually grounded a Delta flight in Atlanta several years ago)
- Dr. Phil arguing with gate agent adamant he is not a "customer of size."
- Crew still at Power Exchange, whie complaining there's more tops in Boston.
Oh, there's my plane... whee!
Oh, and rainman is at my gate shouting out facts randomly as planes glide by:
"747-400"
"780K tons"
tags:
Ugh
So it's 6:45am, I've been up since 4:15, my plane is already delayed 30 minutes and the dude across from me is wearing a "Revenge of the Sith" T-shirt, his carry-on sporting a giant Xbox logo. I hate him.
It's gonna be one of those days...
Oh, Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
And why isn't flightsuit boy serving the troops this year? Could it be that "surprise visit" last year was merely to use the troops as an election prop? No, couldn't be.
September 6, 2004
Oh, the Heat...
God damn San Francisco and its lack of air conditioning...
Meanwhile: What do oppressive police states, late night office cleaners who like to "show off," a presidential inter-racial affair, and a pie n' karaoke party all have in common? My trip to NYC! Stay tuned.
July 26, 2004
In Atlanta
...and boy howdy is it hot.
For a little fun, went to Madonna last night. You know, not bad for an old chick... not bad at all. :-)
July 15, 2004
Captain Caaaaaaaavvvveeeemmmmaaaaan!!!
I've got dysfunctional bloggers syndrome... don't feel like posting much these days. So, instead, I give you Captain Caveman. Why isn't important. Just enjoy.
May 16, 2004
Angry Man Yells at Cloud
So, at the ripe old age of 31, I'm getting more and more like Abe Simpson. Everything either scares me or pisses me off.
Today, I planned on going to Target... but couldn't because of that pesky Bay To Breakers thing and the traffic snarls. So I went to Walgreens instead. Place always irritates me. Bar soap? Over by dishwashing and laundry soap. Liquid body soap? Over by face products and acne gels, 6 aisles over. Fucking brilliant! Ugh.
But, then I saw this [at right]... and remembered I'm not that far from Beavis after all.
May 4, 2004
Um...
I was out to dinner with some friends the other night, and there was someone there that I found, let's say, interesting. Attractive, talkative.
So, I was headed to the bar.
Me: Drink?Them: No.
Me: You sure?
Them: Yeah, it doesn't mix well with the Risperdal.
Me: Risperdal... [long pause] Um, isn't that for severe schizophrenia?
Them: Uh huh. It is.
Me: I see. Riiiiiight... no drinks for you.
Boy. I know how to pick 'em.
April 14, 2004
My Life
So, I was in South Carolina this past weekend visiting the parents. I landed at 1am last night... and am hella tired. So, bed, here I come. (Oh, and by the way -- I did not grow up in the South. I have no Southern accent and I do not like NASCAR. I grew up in Los Angeles, but my parents did not so they retired there. Got it? Good.)
While there, I convinced mom to buy a new computer. They had a "classic" iMac, vintage 1999 or so, and it was time to go. So I -- rather easily -- convinced them it was time for a new one. This was surprising considering the machine was sitting on a 150 year old table accompanied by a 120 year old chair. Having the new "lamp-style" machine sitting next to the "boob-style" one was really a testament to how much they've improved. Aside from simple internals, the screen and the design of the thing are first-class. But this is old news.
There is no place near Charleston to buy a Mac. At least that I could find. Circuit City and Best Buy have/do carry these things in other markets, but they were no where to be found around Charleston. So I had to order one, and of course, it had to come overnight considering I needed to set it up before I left and transfer all the old data.
This morning, I get this frantic email:
From: Dad
To: Me
Subject: Printer not working!!!
Please help!!! Dad.
So, I log onto the machine (remote access is my friend), find out what's wrong, and reply:
From: Me
To: Dad
Subject: Re: Printer not working!!!
The printer is out of paper.
Ugh.
March 10, 2004
Updates
Some personal updates:
- I have a new job in Palo Alto. The people are fantastic, but I know my coworkers are reading this, so I had to say that.
- In reference to the last item: But seriously, I'm quite pleased with the people and the environment so far at my new job. And I'm not one to keep my mouth shut.
- I turned 31 today.
- In reference to the last item, that sucks. Big time. What's left? Death? Marriage, kids? (Oh Lord, where to even begin with why that won't happen.)
- AOL sent notice of the last chunk of money they owe me today. Not a small sum, and I'm off to Vegas tomorrow!
- In reference to the last item, I had a good time at AOL and I really liked the time I spent with my team. The company? Not so hot, though. I'm glad it's over, and although it was two years too late, God knows I wasn't going to leave without a package. And I've been proved right: I had my out, I took it, and it paid off.
- Carolyn and I have confirmed upgrades to First on our flights to Vegas tomorrow. I love United. I've never been denied an upgrade.
- In reference to the last item, I lost my Premiere Executive status on United this year.
- In reference to the last two items, this royally sucks. I've gone from 50k miles to less than 25k miles a year. On a bankrupt airline, but I still love them.
- In reference to the last three items, my friend Chris no longer works for a corporate travel agency and can no longer score system-wide upgrades for me free of charge.
- In reference to the last four items, why did a bankrupt airline go for a PR makeover that involved repainting all their planes? That's not cheap.
- In reference to the last five items, I noticed my neighbor has a massive 50"+ Plasma Sony sitting in his living room. He used to work for United, but is missing half of his right arm. In fact, his license plate reads: "LK MY 1[HAND SYMBOL]" Makes me wonder: is United footing his Plasma buy? I call him "Stumpy," but never to his face. Is that wrong of me?
- I'm going to buy a new Power Mac G5 as soon as a speed bump is announced. Rumors put it at March 23rd, but Apple is notoriously tight-lipped.
- Some woman in Connecticut drove her car into a lake attempting to baptize herself after apparently being moved by "The Passion Of The Christ." I am unimpressed. I call on all viewers of "The Passion" to re-enact all of the last 12 hours of Jesus, including The Crucificition. I'll arrange the Jew, if need be.
That's all.
February 17, 2004
AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!
For the last two nights, I've gotten no sleep due to the incessant rattling of my windows. Stupid wind, stupid storm, stupid weather, stupid cheap windows, stupid ears.
Now, this morning, not only am I tired, but the water is turned off. I've got a friggin' interview today! And the water is turned off! (I live in an apartment, so no, it's not because I didn't pay the bill.) I don't even know how to solve this one. Power out? Light candles -- simple enough. With the water out, what the hell am I supposed to do? Buy bottled and use a washcloth? What is this, 1850? Baby wipes? Rubbing alcohol? Good lord, I don't even know and don't even wanna think about it.
...praying...
January 30, 2004
Acura, Interrupted
I got my car back today, costing me $1930.73. I have full coverage, but I did not choose to claim this incident. Here's why... and it's a real scam within the insurance industry.
Considering that no one claimed fault (see previous entries 1, 2), my insurance basically considers it my fault. I can somewhat understand this, as I could of caused the damage myself and tried to claim it. Never the less, it leaves a real problem: someone can do real damage to your car in a parking lot and stick you with the bill. This is exactly what happened to me. I imagine if my insurance company spent as much time with me as my friends do, they'd understand at what lengths I go to prevent such damage to my car, but that isn't the case... so essentially, it's "my fault." My deductible being a relatively low $500, I called to ask at what point they'd raise my insurance. That ceiling was $1000. So repairs over $1500 would stick me with a blemish on my "insurance record" along with higher premiums in the future. And it's not like I could of switched companies, they all talk to each other. In other words, I would of paid for it -- many times over -- should I have claimed it. What bullshit.
Why did I not claim it? Aside from the insurance premium increase, considering it's a $40k car this $2k worth of damage isn't really "worth" the claim. The insurance company, of course, plans things this way making "every day" damage you could suffer from in any Safeway parking lot being a real liability. Caveat emptor. Given a massive collision, I'd of reeled in the insurance... but this really sucks. I wasn't even present for the damage, I can do no finger pointing, so I'm stuck with the bill. Given the identity of the culprit, however, my homicidal tendencies would be hard to suppress. At the very least, I'd extract $2k... through whatever means necessary.
But anyway, the good news is, the car looks perfect and I think I picked a good spot to have it repaired: Bay Area Body Spa. I know, it sounds very "Bay Area," but they did do a good job, and the place was chock full of European luxury cars, which gave me solace... somehow.
I love my car. Acura invented the Japanese luxury market, and while they've fallen from the forefront, now dominated by Lexus, they still do things right: good, solid, feature-packed cars engineered by Honda. It's not quite as plush as say, a BMW, on the inside, but it's still comfortable and feature-rich (the Japanese don't shy away from gadgets), but it's also never in the shop, which can't be said for the German luxury cars.
Considering the car is now "marred" by this experience, I will no doubt have a new one soon, but I may hold out for a new M5. Yeah, I know, just after bashing the Germans, but... it is an M5. But it's also twice the cost of a new TL, if not more. Bang for your buck will likely win out, but we'll see. I suppose I should get a new job first.
Bottom line, I suppose: consider your future cost when making claims.
tags:
January 7, 2004
$1930.73
That's how much damage the shitbag who hit my car in a Palo Alto public parking lot did to my car... and of course, left no information. Of course, it's over the amount that my insurance would pay out without raising my premiums. So I have a catch-22. I seriously can't describe the damage I'd do to the person who did this to me if i could find them...
This is really the worst time that this could of happened, after having been laid off and all last month... December was just not a good month.
Woe is me. :-)
January 3, 2004
Thanks for the Cakestand, Mikey...
...it's perfect! Convertible type, which you can invert into a fruit or punch bowl considering they're such space hogs. Thank you!
Let them eat cake.
December 31, 2003
Unfucking Believable
I go out to have breakfast with my old boss this morning in Palo Alto. On the way, I stop for a car wash. When we get there, as always I park away from everyone, as I don't want anyone touching my car, dinging it, molesting it, looking at it funny, thinking bad thoughts about it, etc. Trust me, I'm beyond anal about my car... to the point where I just annoy the shit out of most of my passengers. I'm even crazy enough to have bought a camera phone just to take pictures of license plates if I'm forced to park near someone in a crowded parking lot.
However, during breakfast, some shitbag hit my car, leaving a giant dent in my front quarter panel and tearing the front body molding. (Think reversing out of parking space and turning too sharp.) Shitbag left no information. Even a fucking apology would of been nice. I know this happened there, since I walked around and inspected the car not 3 hours earlier at the car wash and the only place I had parked was in that lot.
People suck.
Oh, and during breakfast? A roach crawled up onto the table under my left arm. I should of been suspicious -- God's been known to warn before via insects.
It'd be a small miracle, but if you saw anyone in the city parking lot behind 447 California St in Palo Alto hit-n-run a black Acura this morning around 11a-noon, let me know. I swear I'd hunt them down like a dog in the night if I had anything to go on...
Jesus, people suck!
Any recommendations for a top-notch body shop in the bay area?
Anyway... Happy New Year. I don't think it's possible for 2004 to such any worse than 2003, so at least that's something... right?
Ugh, so unhappy.
December 18, 2003
Parental Units Over Iowa
My parents are in-route to San Francisco for the holidays, choosing to visit me this year... I'm not entirely freaked out yet, and Mike is still here for moral support (and to provide a distraction).
Things will pretty much go like this:
Soon after deplaning: Complaints about airline, seats, food, and connecting airport. "We like Charleston's airport." (The fact that there's no directs between Charleston and SFO is completely beside the point.)
Parking lot: Complaints about the car, it's lack of four doors, it's color and interior, and the sport seats. Bonus point: impressed by navigation system.
Car ride up to Napa: "So... what did you do to get laid off?" Demand for an itinerary and list of dinner reservations. Inevitable comment about selection of music.
@ the Napa B&B: Some back-handed comment about the room and about how it's costing them "over $100 a night." (Truth is it's $280 a night, and I'm paying the difference.)
And that's day one! They're here until the 26th.
They've already made things difficult enough. I bought e-Tickets, since paper tickets were $40 extra per ticket (and there is two per person each way), and they were utterly unconvinced they would be able to get on the plane without a physical ticket.
Anxiety increasing...
November 30, 2003
Weekend Update
On Thanksgiving, I whipped us a mes'-a-sumthing! Butternut Squash Crumble (ala Martha), Potato Rolls, Buttermilk Pound Cake with Lemon Icing and Raspberry Sauce, and smoked ham. Mmmm... good! Although I do need a food processor. My crap kitchen is over-flowing with uber-gadgets, including the mondo KitchenAid and Le Creuset for miles, so I'm not even sure why I don't have one yet... Santa?
Thanksgiving night, Mike and I went to Alegria. Having seen La Nouba, Dralion, Mystere, and O (3x), Cirque has yet to disappoint. I know it's all a bit fruity to love a bunch of French Canadians that much (especially given Celine), but this ain't Madonna or Babs... so shuddup. To get the best seats, you've gotta buy their "Tapas Rouge" package which consists of all sorts of foo-foo extras like a VIP tent with drinks, hor d'oeuvres, and dessert.
Saturday, dealmac pointed me to a 200GB HD at Circuit City for $249. Not a good price, but $150 in rebates brought it down to a steal at $99.99. 7200rpm with a 8MB Cache. Fancy. Natch, 8 weeks for rebate processing. Ugh. My 4 year old Mac now packs 1.5GB in memory and half a terabyte in storage. Think it's time for a G5.
Saturday night saw Lost In Translation. Feel good. Bill Murray needs a face lift and dermabrasion.
Um, that's about it.
October 30, 2003
Wanna exploit my scar, little girl?
I heard the line of those waiting to piss on my grave was lined up around the corner, but alas, I did live through my surgery on 10/14. Still recovering... but not dead.
Oh, and Happy Halloween!
September 26, 2003
BofA Luvs Me
So, I deposited a bunch of money into my Bank of America checking account a few weeks ago to pay for a big expenditure. (Natch, I don't give my "real" money to BofA.)
Since then, I've received no less than two "We luv you, we care" type letters in the mail, and today I got -- get this -- the 2004 Zagat Survey Movie Guide courtesy of BofA. As if that had ANY relevance to banking, or investing, or anything remotely related to BofA.
I don't know if I'm just special, or if they're trying to stem some bad press, but it sure is annoying and highly suspicious. Like most banks, they're greedy, greedy, and greedy. Like really, really greedy. This means high fees, constant monitoring of your account for the slightest infraction (so they can charge a fee), and rude tellers who could probably be outsmarted by trained monkeys. (Of course, talking to the tellers costs a service fee -- but, thankfully, talking to monkeys is still free.)
Alrighty then.
Update: I'm not special. My friend Lori got the same thing. Still: relevance. Please?
Bloodsucking and The Family Guy
Got vampired today in a pre-op visit. Naturally, the vein was missed the first 3 times, and I became a pin cushion. I hate needles -- intensely. It's a wonder I didn't faint.
Oh, and when I asked "What happens if there's some catastrophic turn of events and I'm at risk of dying?" there was a long pause... very long... total silence and bewilderment at the question. She had no answer... but then finally, she astutely mentions "Well, there's a hospital next door." So I asked "Isn't that YOUR hospital?" meaning the hospital with the same name as the out-patient surgery center I'm sitting in now. "Oh yeah," she replies. Gee, ain't that fucking grand.
On a completely unrelated note, I realized this morning The Family Guy Season 3 came out on DVD earlier this month. Whee!
September 5, 2003
My fingers smell like...
...Keebler Fudge Shoppe Deluxe Graham Cookies.
Just thought you'd like to know.
July 27, 2003
Alone Again
My roommate Scott moved back to Atlanta today. He's driving cross-country in a 12-foot Ryder truck with bald tires. I'll call Dateline.
I'm filthy from helping load the truck, but I've managed to vacuum that floor for the first time in 4 years and promptly shifted all sorts of crap laying around the apartment to the newly vacant area. (It hasn't helped much.)
Anyway, place will be a little lonely... but I'll survive. Not planning on any new roommates.
July 10, 2003
Crunchy Phish
Going to see Phish tonight at Shoreline. My friend Carolyn managed to snag some good tickets. Sure, they're a bit crunchy, but the shows are usually fun.
I went to a Phish show once before, in like 1995, at Griffith Park in Los Angeles... I don't remember much of it, but then again, God only knows what I was on.