May 20, 2008
January 9, 2008
Maposaurous
Was chatting at work about picking up a portable GPS, and... Just watch the greatest ad ever made:
August 31, 2007
Separation Anxiety
WASHINGTON, DC—A confused President Bush broke free from the restraint of Secret Service agents this morning and ran in pursuit of departing deputy chief of staff Karl Rove's car for several blocks down Pennsylvania Avenue before being outdistanced by the vehicle.
June 29, 2007
Fabulous San Mateo
...went for lunch in San Mateo and found a wig palace and some chicken poop. Good times.
May 16, 2007
Team Geo X-Treme
If your ride is as embarrassing as a decade old 3-cylinder Geo Metro, it's always good to have a sense of humor about it:
May 10, 2007
April 30, 2007
N Baby Mascot == Good Candy
My package of Conguitos came with a free plastic Sambo!
According to their web site:
Conguitos, roasted peanuts covered in chocolate, have been on the market for over 40 years. Their mascot, the Conguito, is a familiar and endearing character. Due to evolution and the changing times, our mascot has also evolved and slightly changed in order to adapt to the present day. When the "Conguito" was born in the sixties the mascot was perceived as a tiny character covered in chocolate and it has slowly evolved and been updated.
Um, okay. We're not making fun of black people, honest! It's a tiny character covered in chocolate. Or tar. Wait, chocolate.
This all makes much more sense after listening to their kickin' theme song. Okay, well, perhaps not.
cc: Revs. Jackson and Sharpton
April 25, 2007
February 14, 2007
February 1, 2007
December 28, 2006
Woot!
How can you not love Woot!? Their current deal of the day is a PMP, which I couldn't care less about, but check out that picture on the PMP:
December 25, 2006
October 16, 2006
September 4, 2006
Dane is Lame
Seriously, I wouldn't even listen to that dude for 5 seconds with my penis in his mouth.
August 3, 2006
Shake Me
I kept looking for Mel Gibson's LS430 wrapped around a pole outside my house, but was not to be.
Gave me a good jolt. I had to put the washing machine on spin to finish the job. Damn you, tectonic plates!
Ok, grossing myself out.
July 25, 2006
Kathy
Went to Kathy Griffin last Thursday. Despite being a bit late, she went on for over 2 hours with entirely new material.
To end, she read an email she received just before the show. I'm paraphrasing here, but it went something like this:
Hi Kathy.I was wondering now that you're single if you'd ever try a woman. I'd really like to meet you and think we'd have a wonderful time.
I'm staying at the EconoLodge and my room number is...
Most excellent show. The Warfield was a bit hot, but it was all laughs the entire time...
July 20, 2006
July 14, 2006
What's next for the iPod guy?
"Maybe you know who I'm talking about Steve -- it's Jesus the Messiah. He was born in a donkey's feeding trough, even more humble than a garage."
July 6, 2006
Crikey!
Lori's mom snapped this in Sequoia Natl Park. I haven't the foggiest as to what it is, but it gives me the heebs and I'm quite sure it made an appearance in the Wrath of Khan...
April 20, 2006
TV Shopping
Think I'll take the plunge and replace the 250lb boat anchor in my living room when I get back from HK. So many different formats, sizes, inputs. Decisions, decisions.
And now I have to worry about snakes. That's right -- snakes.
April 16, 2006
March 27, 2006
November 20, 2005
Who's loving your mama?
I am. I am. So ridiculous.
I love the internets.
tags:
October 12, 2005
September 15, 2005
May 4, 2005
April 30, 2005
Sprout Submarine Combo
Memo to Frank Luntz: "MATRIX" and "Carnivore" aren't very sellable.
...props to Dan for the link.
March 10, 2005
HOT
"Welcome to York," says York (Pa.) Daily Record managing editor Randy Parker about the truly Onion-esque story that ran in his paper today."Man Charged With Assault on Sheep" was the headline, and the true-life story, by Caryl Clarke, begins: "Somebody was making nighttime visits to farmer Terry Patterson's sheep barn in the 600 block of Big Mount Road in Paradise Township." It goes on to tell of a man arrested for allegedly sexually assaulting a sheep after the barn owner installed a barn alarm and intercom system to prevent such attacks.
But there's more. Clarke's story details the police arrest report and ends with a pull-out box highlighting previous incidents of bestiality in York, including a 1997 case involving a live turkey in a food plant and a 1992 encounter between a man and a ram at the York Fair.
February 20, 2005
"Genital Bracelets"
Is that what we're calling cock rings these days?
Meanwhile, over at the Blake trial:
Under the influence of drugs, he said, he once crawled into a cage of monkeys that were smoking cocaine.
Yeah, I'm pretty much bored.
January 5, 2005
I Love Egg
Friend at work sent me a link saying "my countrymen are exceptionally weird. I'm mesmerized and very disturbed."
April 23, 2004
Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
Clothes can make a statement. Urban-bag designer Tom Bihn has discovered that labels can, too. Bihn's sales have doubled since a French-language presidential insult mysteriously made its way onto the bilingual washing instructions for hundreds of his laptop bags and backpacks.The labels read: "Nous sommes desoles que notre president soit un idiot. Nous n'avons pas vote pour lui."
Translated into English: "We are sorry that our president is an idiot. We didn't vote for him."
tags:
April 18, 2004
April 16, 2004
With Walk-on-Water Action!
Go see the commercial. Go on!
I hear this one has been designed to mount the Ann Coulter talking action figure from behind.
March 18, 2004
February 2, 2004
December 25, 2003
Merry Whatever...
Merry Christmas!
Merry Hanukah!
Merry Kwanza!
Merry Festivus!
Merry Day-Before-Returning-Presents-Day!
Whatever you are, whatever you practice, however pissed off you are at everything being closed on a Christian holiday, Merry 25th! :-)
December 23, 2003
November 25, 2003
Say Happy Thanksgiving with Turkey & Gravy Soda!
No joke folks, it's a real creation of the Jones Soda Co. And it's vegetarian to boot! Lordy. Story.
Don't cancel those Thanksgiving feast preparations just yet -- the soda's taste can politely be described as, um, interesting. But the limited-edition novelty soda tempted enough curious taste buds that the entire supply sold out within a few hours on the company's Web site.
November 12, 2003
Guys, meet my friend... Foreskin Lips!
My friend and old roommate got "lip augmentation" today. (He owns a tanning salon, Doc pumps lips -- they worked out an arrangement.) Sure, he's gonna look like Stifler's Mom, but that's not even the best part: he got Cosmoplast injections, a natural substance which has better staying power than collagen but still metabolizes within 4-6 months leaving nothing permanent. But it gets better. This latest round of injectables (including Cosmoplast) is derived from newborn babies' circumcised foreskin. Oh yeah, that's HOT, HOT, HOT!
Other new fav lip injections, such as Perlane, are harvested from roosters.
Ah... vanity!
November 8, 2003
November 5, 2003
Worst Album Covers Ever
Scary stuff. [cenedella.com]
Um, is it possible for Devastatin' Dave... the Turntable Slave not to suck?
September 16, 2003
Hall of Technical Documentation Weirdness
Had a good chuckle at the poorly named, but midlly amusing Hall of Technical Documentation Weirdness, particularly this illustration at right from a Honda motorcycle manual.