Hmmm... work in progress, but starting a chart here on America's favorite export: blame.
| If you are... | ...and get busted, seek... |
| Mayor, oh, and fucking your campaign manager's wife | Alcohol Treatment |
| Congressman, querying your male pages as to their masturbatory habits | Alcohol Treatment |
| Evangelical preacher ordering up a bucket of Cock n' Crank every weekend | Some horseshit pseudo-scientific "Spiritual Restoration" |
| A Thieving Whore of a Politician |
"Rehab", followed by 30 months in prison ...or tearful TV appearance, followed by 8 years in prison |
| A Thieving Whore of a Lobbyist | Confuse everyone with a series of disguises, then go to jail for 6 years |
| Spoiled celeb flashing yer meat curtains 'round town (and not named Paris or Britney) | "Treatment" for "undisclosed reasons" |